Can Pre Marriage Counseling Help Deal With Relationship Hurdles?

Skill-building and education will equip you and your mate with the right tools to succeed in your relationship. Following decades of extensive interpersonal behavioral research, licensed professional counselors are extremely knowledgeable regarding what makes people tick, how people respond to crisis and how couples can foster greater communication and satisfaction in their marriages. Before you tie the knot, you may be required to attend or may choose to attend pre marriage counseling or seminars to learn everything you can about the challenges (and rewards!) that lie ahead.

The question of when to seek marriage counseling before the big day may be dicey. It’s sort of like a prenuptial, which some people may find offensive or as admonishing the fact that “Hey things may not work out as planned!” As the practice of counseling for couples becomes more widespread, this becomes less an issue, though. To help guide you, the California Association for Marriage Family Therapists came up with several criterion. If you’re young and have never married, then go! If one partner is “commitment-o-phobic,” then go! If there are unresolved issues regarding money, parenting, household responsibilities, work or sex, then go! If one or more partners have had a previously failed marriage, go! If you feel you’d like added conflict resolution skills, go! Lastly, if there has been a history of childhood or domestic abuse, go! Sometimes these seemingly minor obstacles can become full-blown catastrophes later, so it’s important that they’re addressed early and professionally.

Research shows that money is the #1 thing new couples argue over, which can be addressed through pre marriage counseling. Marriage therapists say the major underlying source of financial conflict is lack of communication. Prior to getting married, you should identify your spending habits. Are you a “big spender” or a “big saver?” Sometimes, there is a communication breakdown as each side tries to win the power struggle. Additionally, there could be “The Done Deal” type who makes financial decisions like opening new credit cards or investing in a rental property without telling his/her spouse until it’s too late. Some people are also vulnerable to “keeping up with the Joneses,” buying out-of-budget cars, boats and gadgets, which drives more practical spouses up the wall. Holidays are another time when communication about spending tends to breakdown. Lastly, forgetting to tell a spouse about past debts can escalate into arguments galore.

Many pre marriage counseling sessions are more like educational courses, rather than therapy. The counselors are there to teach you ways to comfort your crabby partner after he or she has had “the worst day ever.” They’ll show you how to communicate your needs and wants without nagging, complaining or accusing. They’ll teach you how to overcome marriage-killer behavioral patterns like stone-walling, criticizing, defensiveness and contemptuousness. Before you say “I Do,” you can learn your personal conflict styles and recognize the relationship’s strengths and possible weaknesses, which will create better understanding in the long run.