Getting Your Ex Back If You Cheated

Infidelity is the cause of many relationship break ups.  The reason is obvious.  When one partner cheats, the other will usually feel like “I can’t trust you ever again.”

This is a normal feeling after cheating occurs.  That’s because trust is such an essential part of a close, true love.  When it gets broken, we usually feel very strongly that there is no way to get it back.  Even if there are a lot of things we do/did like about our mate, after cheating occurs we don’t feel how we could ever be happy with them after a betrayal like that.  You can learn more about Making Up In Hours after infidelity here.

TRUST, then, is a huge issue in break ups.  Before your partner can even consider taking you back, they have to feel they can somehow trust you not to cheat on them again.  Obviously, why take you back if it’s just likely to be more of the same?  When there has been infidelity, one of the big things on your ex’s mind is

I can’t ever trust you again.

I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.

The emotion of broken trust/betrayal is one of the toughest feelings for an ex lover to get over.  We all believe that trust takes a long time to build.  So when it’s broken, we usually believe it is unfixable, correct?

You must understand the trust issue to see how you can get back together with your ex.  If you can’t deal with the feelings of betrayal and broken trust and the complete emotional distance that it causes, you won’t be able to get back together.  And, if you do somehow luck out and they give you another chance, it won’t last, because without trust there can’t be the feeling of closeness and intimacy we all really want.

So how can you deal with and repair trust issues?  This is a large subject, but one thing that is easy to see is that in most break ups, we all try to avoid blame.  So we tend to try to lay the blame elsewhere.  We say things like “I cheated because I drank too much!”  Or, “I cheated because you were cold and distant!”  The natural way we react when big issues like cheating come up is to try to avoid the blame. 

Give those excuses to your ex and shell think you’re a weak idiot.  She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses don’t allow her to trust you.  What if you get drunk again?  What if she is cold to you a month from now?  What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when you’re walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame.  Take full responsibility.  Don’t offer weak or lame excuses.  You can learn a full system for resolving relationship conflict here.

Instead of weak excuses, you can say something like “I know I broke your trust in me, and I’m so sorry that I did this and made you feel so hurt…”

This is an adult way to begin to repair the damage to their trust.  Hearing responsibility being taken like that allows us to see that maybe they understand what they did wrong.  It helps lay the foundation for forgiveness.  Just like when you catch your kids screwing up, if they lie about it you just get more angry.  But if they apologize and own it, you can more easily begin to forgive.

There is a lot more to the art of getting your ex back after infidelity, but this is a good start!  Go here for a free course on How To Get Relationship Help.